Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The problem is that I have been so proud of going Rx'd on almost everything, that I let that same pride get in the way of an impending back issue (back's been secretly bothering me for about a month). I was going to do everything in my power to NOT be the only one dropping down the weight - much to my detriment. So when do we let cognitive reason take over, amidst the desire to go prescribed? When do we tell ourselves that this is not the last workout we will ever do; our only chance to give it our all?
This issue transcends mere workouts, and is one with which I continually deal in all aspects of my life. I have a very hard time accepting help from others. I never want to feel beholden to anyone in this life. I want to be able to say, "I did that all by myself. See, I don't need anyone." Perhaps it's an only child thing. Perhaps it can simply be summed up as yet another of my many character flaws. At any rate, I need to find a better balance between being driven to be the best, and maybe being a little kinder to myself.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Calories from Fat 16.8
I'm officially in love.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
You know, the worst part of this whole thing is that I have completely, and utterly given up bread. My old pal. My comforting partner for peanut butter. And crackers. Oh, how I miss eating a box of crackers with hummus. That's right. An entire box. And I didn't care. I saw a drastic decrease in Kashi's stock, when I switched to a meat/vegetable/fruit diet. I'm not sure they will make it in this economy without my help.
So as maddening as all this nutrition business is, I do get a kind of sick joy out of worrying and measuring and contemplating my diet. Maybe one day soon, I will figure it out; hone my intake to the point where I see the results I want to see.
So I decided that perhaps the quality of my protein was insufficient. I purchased some "fancy" protein as opposed to my lame grocery-store Kashi GoLean protein (say that five times fast), and am now the proud owner of a concentrate that is a really solid mixture of whey and casein. It tastes pretty good too. Got a multivitamin, even though I don't really care so much about mvs, but figure as I fight off yet another stupid sinus cold, I ought to give it a try. Thinking a bit about the Zone diet, I realize that my Vitamin C intake has been extremely low, as I tend to stay away from fruit now, other than apples. And, of course grapes. So maybe this is the answer???
I am going to give this a whirl, and see how my results fare. I tend to bulk up pretty quickly, so I would like to minimize that aspect, while still maintaining strength gains. I know I am a hell-of-a-lot stronger than I used to be, but the body-image-disorder in me is displeased with taking up more space. There has to be some sort of balance. I will say, adding back some yoga really helped with hamstring issues. My left hamstring is pretty much always on the verge of fraying, so taking at least 1 day per week to get back to an actual yoga practice is beneficial.
So far, I have had my typical breakfast, which I have researched ad nauseam. Seems to be good? Going to drink a LOT of water today, and see how I react. New job + no water cooler = lazy water intake. Not good.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Holy Hell. I can't decide whether to finish this post, or go order 13 cans of this modern miracle. I think I can do both... I can't wait to go golfing. I can't tell you how many times I have lost the club on the backswing. Yes. I am that person who's club flies out of their hands. It's fabulous, and entertaining to watch.
So, for diet, yesterday was a fairly strict Zone day. I felt pretty good. Here's my day...actually, it's pretty much what I eat everyday:
Breakfast - 2/3 cup steel cut oats
1 tbsp peanut butter
1/4 cup cottage cheese
1 tsp protein powder
Lunch - 1 oz turkey
1 oz. provolone
2 macadamia nuts
Snack - Balance Bar (yes, I know. But I love them, and I don't care)
Dinner - 2 cups spinach salad
1 1/4 cups broccoli
2 oz. salmon
1 oz feta
olive oil and vinegar
Snack - 4 oz yogurt
sprinkled with almonds and flaxseed
So - roughly 9 blocks. That's okay. I need to lean out. If I could give up the PB, that wouldn't be a problem. You will read about me in the paper if I give up peanut butter. Guns and a clocktower... I have so few joys in life.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I have always welcomed adversity for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the complete elimination of complacency from my life. For the past 4 months, this life has been anything but complacent. I suppose it makes for good conversation. I have learned more than I ever wanted about human emotion; about the obsequious nature of some, and the sheer defiance of others. I have learned to take nothing at face-value, and that many, many things are not as they seem.
There is a large component of my being that is so driven, so filled with the feeling of "never being good enough," that it has ultimately become the only constant in my life. I can look at everything around me spinning out of control, and know that at the very least, I am in control of my dreams and aspirations. I am in control of the hatred that drives me. It's an odd feeling, but unnervingly comforting nonetheless.
I am a big believer in fate and destiny. I believe that we each have a path - in finding that path is the joy of life. "It is written..."