Well, today was not good at all. I made the mistake (as usual) to opt out of resting on our scheduled rest day, and I paid for it dearly today. The WOD was 5 rounds of 5 X 100# clean and jerks, and 200 meter run. First round was super. Had no issues. 2nd round started out okay, and then it hit me...the right side of my lower back just seized up. No, it didn't just seize up, it wrenched itself into a large, painful knot that is now ugly and swollen. I don't think I've ever had back pain like that. Frankly, I've never really dealt with my OWN back pain. I used to deal with the back pain of others, and thought I was exempt. Apparently, I am not invincible. After round 2, my form went to shit, the run hurt like hell, and I actually started to cry from the pain. I finished the WOD in 12-something, which is just stupid.
The problem is that I have been so proud of going Rx'd on almost everything, that I let that same pride get in the way of an impending back issue (back's been secretly bothering me for about a month). I was going to do everything in my power to NOT be the only one dropping down the weight - much to my detriment. So when do we let cognitive reason take over, amidst the desire to go prescribed? When do we tell ourselves that this is not the last workout we will ever do; our only chance to give it our all?
This issue transcends mere workouts, and is one with which I continually deal in all aspects of my life. I have a very hard time accepting help from others. I never want to feel beholden to anyone in this life. I want to be able to say, "I did that all by myself. See, I don't need anyone." Perhaps it's an only child thing. Perhaps it can simply be summed up as yet another of my many character flaws. At any rate, I need to find a better balance between being driven to be the best, and maybe being a little kinder to myself.