Thoughts...

In totality, my life has been turned upside down. Some aspects are a function of my own decisions, however, some are simply events which reside beyond my scope of control. Yet, I have no regrets. But for the most difficult decisions, we would never truly learn about ourselves, and of what we are really made. Lately however, there are days when it's difficult to smile or laugh. But I keep going, continually reminding myself, "That which does not kill us..."

I have always welcomed adversity for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the complete elimination of complacency from my life. For the past 4 months, this life has been anything but complacent. I suppose it makes for good conversation. I have learned more than I ever wanted about human emotion; about the obsequious nature of some, and the sheer defiance of others. I have learned to take nothing at face-value, and that many, many things are not as they seem.

There is a large component of my being that is so driven, so filled with the feeling of "never being good enough," that it has ultimately become the only constant in my life. I can look at everything around me spinning out of control, and know that at the very least, I am in control of my dreams and aspirations. I am in control of the hatred that drives me. It's an odd feeling, but unnervingly comforting nonetheless.

I am a big believer in fate and destiny. I believe that we each have a path - in finding that path is the joy of life. "It is written..."